Some free writing from studio times
Body feels more spacious. Like yes, this is me. And there is so much more potential still to explore. And I am so full of feelings and of drive and of desire and of energy and of movement and of space. Where are - I am - How many multidirections are there? I can be here and there and everywhere. And I can. And I will. This is me and my body is me. And the juicy-ness is so tasty and so inviting and I want more.Body had a desire for stretching. Elongating. Feeling skin and muscles and body juices extending to take space. To reach further and beyond. Feeling that power of being in space. And being space.
Balancing on toes
Shaking ankles
Precarious balance
Gather your strength to keep standing
Don’t move too abruptly
Move with care
Keep staying switched on. Don’t relax too much.
You get used to it; you get practice of it; to the point it becomes almost like the default. But it still hurts.
If you start relaxing into it, you might get surprised by a blow that destabilises you again.
It looks minimal, but it’s such a full body experience when you are in it.
It’s tiring.
At times the body dissociates from the aches, but they are still there and keep coming back.
Effort. Limited. Contained. Unstable. Restricted. Fragile balance. Controlled. Unpredictable. Toned down. BUT OBSTINANCE.
How it feels being trans at the moment?
Yes I still have the ‘privilege’ (?) to be.
Maybe finding my body is a way of centre-ing myself, finding myself as a physical presence, real life human being. Like I have agency on my body + I live life through my body and I can find strength in feeling my body. I want to be. I want to be friend with my body. I want to feel like there is space for me to be.
What is it like to navigate life and time as I am and as I feel?
Body, let’s be friends. Let’s be a team. We are strong together and walking in alliance is the way forward. What do you need? What do you like? How - What - Why. I don’t want the distance. I want to feel.
Bringing choice into viewing + freeing the mind of expectations and pre-planning in the moments of break.
Taking in
Be a part
Entering
Conversing
Choices
Moving between the two different places, like being in-between a ‘binary’ from a position of being in the middle and not subscribing to that binary. Being attentive to the feeling of both experiences, in relation to each other and with curiosity to what is there. What’s on offer? Approaching with curiosity and releasing what’s not useful. While also being decisive in the intention of what I - the intention of the movement. Is there something there about relating to context - moving in and with what the floor is, but not for the floor. Not changing because of the different floor.